Tuesday, March 06, 2007

The authentic life - choose wisely

The Spokane gay community has been giving the CPR (caring, preventing, restoring homosexuality) a lot of press and rightly so. There was much debate in the community, once the document was circulated, whether to give it some air time and expose the “ex-gay” ministry for the myth that it is or just let it go. I have to admit I was originally on the “just let it go” side and hope it fades into the ancient past like the rest of the fundamentalist-anti-gay-social-conservative ideals and be done with it.

Then I read the heart wrenching stories of Anderson, Mahieu and ‘Lisa’ in the Stonewall. The damage inflicted on these individuals as a result of their attempt to repress that portion of their lives into submission is intolerable. Why should we “just let it go” when the ‘ex-gay” movement causes so much pain, anguish and self hatred in direct contradiction of modern psychological precedents?

So, publish it wide and expose it for the myth that it is and the harm that it causes. The minds behind the madness of this outrage are preying on the most vulnerable in our community and at what price?

The primary premise behind the CPR document is that homosexuality is a choice. On this point I completely agree. Being gay or being straight is a choice. But not the choice you might think. The choice is not to be gay or be straight, the choice is to live life or live a lie.

It is time to reframe the debate over choice.

The so called ex-gays never “cure” themselves they choose to suppress the core of their being and go through life as half of a person, a divided psyche. To live with a divided psyche is harmful at best, causes suicidal tendencies at worst. Anyone who suffers this divided life has made a choice. The choice was not to suddenly be straight, for this is impossible; the choice is to beat that aspect of the self into suppression. In doing so the psychological damage can be severe, all reputable psychologists agree on this point as the APA maintains.

At some point in our lives, either gay or straight, all of us have faced with a duality of self. We put on the false self to meet new people, our defenses go up in strange environments, we act completely differently when alone than in public. The harm comes when a core aspect of our personhood is brutally suppressed out of shame, fear, bigotry or hatred. The only place where these traits of shame, fear, bigotry and hatred exist is in society as a whole, perpetuated by the eternal diatribe of religious fanatics.

Many of us know from personal experience how it feels to live a divided life. Inwardly, we experience one imperative of our lives, but outwardly we respond to quite another. This is the human condition, of course – our inner and outer worlds are never in perfect harmony. But there are extremes of dividedness that become intolerable, when one can no longer live without bringing one’s actions into harmony with one’s inner life. When that happens inside of one person, then another, and another, and another, in relation to a significant social issue, a movement may be conceived. -Dr. Parker J. Palmer from The Courage to Teach.

The ex-gay movement establishes an “intolerable dividedness” that requires action. Only by being true to themselves can gays and lesbians live an authentic life. Being an authentic individual merely means being a person who is honest and has an awareness of self that supersedes the false exterior. To force a person into a mold of humanity that is not their own or of their making, under the threat of eternal damnation, is abuse in its most intimate form.

No, the community should not remain silent about the “ex-gay” ministry; in fact the gay community should rise up and denounce it!

Being out is living life as we are predisposed to live it. Being out is loving ourselves unconditionally as we are. Being out is the only way to live without fear, without self loathing, without internalized homophobia. Being out is being authentic.

It is time to reframe the debate over choice.

It is true that being gay is a choice. The choice is to live the life authentic or live the life of lies.

Labels: , , , ,